Self-disclosure as a therapeutic intervention? Three Potential Disasters to Watch Out For

If you’ve read this post, you know that self-disclosure is taught to budding therapists as a tool to use sparingly in the therapeutic process. But, if you’ve explained to your therapist that knowing about her lived experience could help you advance in therapy, she may be willing to share with you. 

Is that a bad thing? 

Likely, it’s not. However, self-disclosure can be the foundation for potential disasters if used incorrectly. Limited use of self-disclosure supports the therapeutic relationship. In fact, did you know that research shows the therapeutic relationship is essential in the counseling process? 

Why wouldn’t it be? Your therapist will ask you personal, sometimes invasive, questions. She will join you on your journey through some of the deepest and darkest parts of your life. You definitely want to get to know this person so you can develop a sense of trust and confidence in her. After all, you do not want to divulge all your personal business to someone you do not trust!

There is a fine line between developing trust in your therapist due to her willingness to engage in self-disclosure and sitting on the receiving end of your therapist's word vomiting all of her business at you. 

Here are three things to watch out for regarding a therapist’s use of self-disclosure: 

1. Role Reversal. Your therapist may, at times, encourage you to take an objective approach to therapy. For instance, if you’re too close to a situation, it may be hard to see the forest for the trees. Reframing the situation as “What would you tell a friend in your position” is a great way to provide you with space to be more objective.

   
   

   In a way, reframing in this manner allows you to take on the role of therapist (for that imaginary friend).

   
   

   But, if your therapist asks you what she should do about her situation, you’ve walked into role reversal where your therapist becomes the client, and you become her therapist. And let’s be honest. Is that really how you want to spend your therapy hour?

   
   

2. Casual Conversation. There will be times of conversation during therapy. You might share a funny story. You and your therapist may connect over a show that you both enjoy. And those connections are great. They reinforce the longstanding theory that the therapeutic relationship is the most important aspect of therapy.

   
   

   But, if your therapy sessions become hour-long casual conversations about everything except the reason you are in therapy, you (or your insurance carrier) are paying to have a friend.

   
   

   Maybe the presenting problem you’re in therapy to address is scary or difficult to talk about. I hear you. It’s not easy to face these things. If that’s the case, and you are not ready to talk about the issues, you are better off delaying therapy for the time being or working with your therapist on your stuck points.

   
   

3. Power Punch. With therapy comes a power imbalance. Your therapist has the power to diagnose you, provide you with education, and advocate on your behalf. These are all great things. However, the power imbalance can be intimidating.

   
   

   This is especially true for people new to therapy who may be anxious about the idea of interrupting the therapist with a question or a request to focus on a different topic. The power punch experience is similar to casual conversation except that the client has no part in the former. She is simply a victim to her therapist’s whims about how the session should sound. In these situations, that often means the therapist is talking while the client is expected to only listen even if the topic has nothing to do with the client. 

It is likely that you will connect with a therapist who uses self-disclosure sparingly and works hard to ensure you have a quality therapy experience. However, there are bad apples in every bunch, and it’s important to be knowledgeable about what to look for in a therapist and to know what to avoid.

Now that you know what to be aware of when it comes to asking a potential therapist to share a little about herself, it’s time to start the vetting process! (More on that in a future blog.) Therapy Tip: If you're concerned about how your therapist might use self-disclosure in sessions, it's totally appropriate to ask her before committing to a weekly appointment.

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What have your experiences been with asking your therapist about herself? If you’ve never gone to therapy before, do you think asking your therapist something personal is something you’d feel comfortable doing?