My Therapist Asked if I had Any Questions...

Have you ever found yourself wondering about your therapist? Perhaps you’re therapy curious, and now that I’m bringing it up, you have a ton of questions you’d like to ask a therapist if you ever decide to get one. Questions like:

·       What’s your favorite book?

·       Are you a morning person or a night owl?

·       I’m thinking about getting a divorce. Have you been married before?

Moira Rose thinks that's a great question!

Typically, when a therapist asks if you have any questions, she means: 

·      Do you have any questions about the cancellation/rescheduling policy?

·      Do you have any questions about the paperwork I’m asking you to sign?

·      Do you have any questions about your financial responsibilities for therapy?

But it does seem like you should be able to ask more personal questions to this individual you will be spending time with and who will be asking you a lot of personal information. 

When a therapist shares personal information with clients, it’s called “self-disclosure”. In therapy school, we’re taught to use this sparingly for a couple of reasons. 

Reason #1 - The Therapy Hour Belongs to You (the Client).

If we’re open to answering any and all questions posed by our clients, the therapy hour flips from being all about the client to being all about the therapist. The last thing you want to do is schedule time out of your busy life, pay for any out-of-pocket expenses, and then spend the hour talking all about your therapist. I mean, she’s probably great and all, but she goes to her own therapist to talk about herself. 

Reason # 2 - She’s Here for You, Not the Other Way Around.

You likely have a ton of great ideas, are compassionate and caring, and want the best for your therapist. But it’s her job to show up for you. And, by showing up, that means she checks her emotional baggage at the door. It’s best for you (and her) if she leaves her stuff outside the therapy room. 

Despite this, maybe you want her inside scoop on whatever question you woke up with at 2 a.m. dying to ask her. 

If you decide to go for it and ask, be prepared for your therapist to answer with a question. Your exchange may sound something like this:

You: So, I know this session is all about me, but I have to ask. Have you ever been divorced?

Your Therapist: That’s a great question. How will my answer help you make progress in therapy?

See what she did there? She’s not saying she won’t answer the question, but she does want to keep the spotlight on you. 

How will knowing your therapist has been divorced (or not) help you get better? How will her sharing this information help you to make an informed decision about whether you should get divorced?

If you can answer that question with evidence that your therapist’s experience (or even knowing she had an experience with no other information about it) can help you progress in therapy, she may share with you. 

Be mindful, though, of the slippery slope that is limited self-disclosure. I’ll share three potential disasters linked to therapists relying on self-disclosure as a therapeutic intervention in a future blog post.  

If you could ask your therapist (or potential therapist) one question, what would it be? And, how would knowing the answer help you in your healing journey?